lalalalalala I am sooooooooo happy, yet I'm not completely sure why I am not leaping for joy....I think it takes a while for things to sink into me now, it didn't always used to be this way! o.O You know I've also noticed something different again with myself...if something bad happens, like someone I really care for gets hurt and is in the hospital I am sad and everything but I don't really show emotion, I think I would if it was right in front of me but someone I know long distance and never saw or talked to over the phone even if I care for them a great deal I'm mostly just in shock! Wow thats so weird to have this. But I break down later on, like a month or something after that person is ok, ahh so weird I am. Same thing just happened but this time it wasn't something sad, it was something happy...and yet those two days I still felt sad yet I am happy today because it just suddenly hit me I think. Oh I have no idea how to explain that any other way! Gomen! I hope it makes sense. lol I love this little moving thing, it's sooo cool! ^^;; Well enjoy my site, I am so glad people like it!!! doumo arigatou!! -^-^-

Tuesday, October 19, 2004
muuwahahaha.... damn u.u


Posted at 03:03 am by usagi
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
a quiz...

Literature
You are Literature. Your strength is your ability to understand human
nature, and you tend to equate truth and beauty
with humanity. You get along well with Poetry
and Drama.

What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posted at 11:29 am by usagi
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Monday, August 02, 2004
Travel and Sorrow

Well I'm not going into details as of right now, but i'm going to Japan next month, I have a lot of stuff going on besides my sorrow...like ending of classes and job issues, and oh my gosh mankind is annoying! o.o But besides everything i'm just saying hello on this blog since i haven't done so in such a long time, though it doesn't really seem that long ago until I looked at the date and all that I was thinking and etc. My eyes are watering, because i'm tired..woke up early and I'm the type of person who can't go back to sleep...it takes me forever to go to sleep even when I'm extremely tired unfortunately. Then again it seems my eyes are always watering, they're almost constantly on the verge of tears, tell me why do people not keep contact with you? Some say they loose touch, busy life and all, but if you love someone and you just had a misunderstanding...even if you aren't truly in love with them but only afterwards realize this and actually hate them *as horrible as that would be* why ignore them? Why not listen to what they have to say, and or tell them what is what..that it's over, or on the good side that you forgave them long before. Why stay away from someone for such a long time? Avoiding, ignoring, these things hurt worse than just coming out and telling the truth. The pain doesn't go away, it just stays there eating away at you, draining your life force, because all you do is worry about that person and wonder what is what? And why? These things constantly go through me, driving me insane! And I'm so frustrated that all I can do is wait wait wait, and hope and pray...these things bring me nowhere to my knowledge as of us at least except much tears and constant worries. I miss him so much, but he doesn't seem to even care for anything anymore, he wont give me a answer or even listen to me. I wish I could see him, but I can't spend the money to go because of complications such as Japan and such, so unless I earn a great deal of money...I can't go to where he lives and try and see him. I would give anything to see his smile, and to hug him, or even hold his hand. I wish so much we could spend forever together, he doesn't understand even that he just being himself is the best to me, I love him so! I'd never hurt him, or leave him, why is he acting this way? Why why why about everything? WHY? If he hates me, oh how I wish I could at least know how he feels...one should talk it out, otherwise things are never fixed. I feel so horrible, I wish I could just fade away, maybe if I got hurt would he even care? Would he come to see me? Or even send a message? Call? ANYTHING? Or would he brush it off, careless like...? I know nothing, I hope for everything, I wish I knew what the truth was from him, I wish he'd tell me the truth about his feelings and even a hello would make me happy. His words, but especially his last words, ring through my thoughts always...mostly it hurts and makes me cry uncontrolably usually...but sometimes it's happy and it makes me feel warm and smile. I miss him, I miss him, please help me...someone! I want to scream, cry, kick and run away, fly away from everyone and everything horrible. Just fall asleep and never wake up again. But would he care? I don't even have a hint of if he would or not....

I have to get ready for Japanese class, it's only four days away from ending, lots of studying to do. I'll try and leave a few more entries before I leave for Japan.
Pray for me... and I will keep praying for him...i hope he's ok....


                                 


Posted at 02:22 pm by usagi
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Saturday, April 24, 2004
Building a Life from a Dream

You know, in this blog entry I'm gonna have it be more positive than my other one. lol The one for Tokyo.blogdrive.com which is also mine. I am so sorry that I haven't updated any of this for such a long time. But I've realized that I'm one step closer to my life dream, the one I want so much! I am very excited, yet worried so much at the same time. u.u;; it's very stressful...my life. I'm sure everyone else is the same, but since I can only experience my own life *thank goodness* then I really can't say I know how everyone else is going through life. x_x I miss him...thats all that needs to be said. haha But besides that, I am getting closer to a dream, a few things still have to happen, including me getting two years older. But time is passing so slowly...for many many other reasons of which I really can't explain. I must be strong, thats all I gotta do...oh if only you guys knew how hard that is for me. I break way too easily. If someone pushes me, I fall. I can't just stand there. I was telling one of my friends from work last night during out break, how I don't have a wall there, I let my guard down wayy to much, I'm too naive, less than I was at 10 at leats though. And I worry too much. She said that she takes everything to heart, can't really take a joke *same* yet she has a hard large brick wall there to protect her...even though she even said that really doesn't make sense. o.O;; But thats ok, I kinda get what she means. I wish I could have a wall like that that I could willingly place up, and take down when something is gonna happen. It's weird, I let my heart open freely to friends, but only twice have I let it truly open to someone more than friends. And each time, I shut it right after they enter it so deeply,and I can't let go of them no matter what happens. Even if they don't love me back, or I don't know where one is for years, or blah blah. It doesn't matter, they'll always be there. I don't know if I'll ever love any other guy, I really don't want to, I'd rather be with the one I love more and no one else, but time passes so slowly so answers seem to take forever to get to me. -sigh- All of you Christian's out there, please pray for me, I could certainly use any help in this life as possible. arigatou! ^^
Well this is sorta short compared to what I could do, but I'll write somemore sooner next time, k?
ja, wish me luck! -^-^-

Posted at 02:51 pm by usagi
Comments (1)

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
-weeps- ..... -sigh-

Konbanwa minna-san!

Gomen gomen, I've been sooo busy, and a lot of crap went on that week I left my last post. -sigh- It's too complicated, and too personal to explain on here, so I am sorry that I cannot tell what has happened. Lets just say I went through a horrible time, but it's some what getting better so far as the days pass, yet they feel like eternity. x_x
But a lot of cool things have happened too, simply to help me not think about the unfortunate things. Such as the really good movie 'The Secret Window"!!!! I recommend it to anyone, and everyone who likes a thriller, and a good mystery...AND OF COURSE THE BASICALLY PERFECT ACTOR AND EVERYTHING ELSE JOHNNY DEPP!!!!! lalala lol He's cool, I liked the movie a lot. You people should definitely see it if you get the chance. I heard he'd signed up for the remake of 'Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory' which I haven't seen that movie in years, and that guy looks quite different from Johnny Depp, but I'm sure Johnny will succeed in grasping this role as he usually does. yay! I can't wait until it comes out, and the sequel to the Pirates of the Caribbean in 2005! heh *drools over Captain Jack Sparrow* ....*drools over Johnny Depp period* haha ^____^

Well people April Fools Day is tomorrow, but sadly I wont be doing anything. *weeps* haha XP Any way, I am sorry once again that I had to leave for a long period of time there, my life is still in the dumps as is the usual, so I wont be able to get on every single night, but at least three times a week to post...that is until things get back to the normal dumps. haha >.<

Talk later, ja ne!!!
*yawns* -has a horrible headache once again...'must.. get.. to ..medicine...'-
oyasumi-nasai *nods wisely*


 

 

PS yes I know, I sometimes put the same entry in both blogs...it's when I don't have time to do seperate stuff man. Gotta go, ja! ^^

Posted at 11:50 pm by usagi
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Konnichiwa Minna-san!
I am usagi, 16 years old, I love anime and manga, basically Japan all together. And other things...too much to explain all right now. I am a hopeless romantic and dreamer completely...probably my curse people would say! ~.~ haha Hmmm...I should warn you before you enter reading about my experiences that I am very dramatic, and I seem to read too much into things and I hardly let things go. I have issues I admit, but I'm a nice person too. lol Well certain people I do of course argue with...but that can turn out good also I've learned. lalala never mind about that. I am a Christian, not a crazy one though. Also I want to say that I believe in many things and many possibilities, but above all things I believe in love! Ok well I'll get to writing as much as time allows me to. I have to go to sleep soon, ahh. oyasumi-nasai! (goodnight)
-^-^-

names: usagi, bunny, stars, buns, dumpling, rabbit, vbabe, selene, serene, usako, goddess, many others...
email: stars0211@juno.com
yahoo: stars0211, lil_miakayuki, selen_moonsea, lovelyjubei
aol: sea33moon, ayagoddess
WOO WOO (lol)

-usagi-chan's reflected tokyo-

"The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn is Just to Love and Be Loved in Return!" - Moulin Rouge



-Tomodachi-

Iaryavie
Black Mamba
Brisa
Malina
Cyril
Joyz
Livvy
Ham
Kitten
Lynne
Taryn
Lilly
Cassie-Epiphany
ChibiGarrett
stupidlyinsane
April
Autumn
MLE
Guppy
Savvy1stMate
Nautilus
Scarlet
Erica
Ang
Angel Tears
Hell
Airyn
Ely
rachrox
Severn
53secondslater
lonelysky
Fallen
Claire
amiyat
Fuzzier
Sheep
Patsu
Marik





-my email services-
Sailor V-Vbabe
Tensuu no Escaflowne

-MyTokyoBlog-


Star Healer is my guardian angel


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:: Current Time in Japan ::

-I just adore the poetry/sayings/quotes below! Some of my other favorites will be put down soon, mind you none of these are mine, the ones that perhaps are I will mention this. The author's names are all right beside their works!-

"Every day I love you more and more,
you are the one I care most for.
To me you are so sweet and kind,
someone like you is so hard to find.
We may have had our ups and downs,
but there have been more smiles than frowns.
You make me feel special in every way,
and you always seem to brighten my day.
We talk about our future together,
and know we'll be together forever,
'coz you are the one I will always love,
and you are my angel sent from above." - Brisa


'when you love someone so deeply they become your life' - From Ham's site

"Secret!

I can't seem to shake it
The fact that I'm in love
Hoping I was with you
In heaven up above

I'm too scared to ask you
I'm too scared to try
Every time I see your face
The thought runs through my mind

I can't help but think about you
It's not the way I thought I'd fall
I didn't think that it would be
Where you don't think of me at all

I know I'm not much
In the eyes of perfection
But, the only thing I long for
Is a little of your affection" - Brisa

+ i see your true colors, and that´s why i love you +
(I love that quote man!)


"Suicide!
Do not feel guilty for treating me wrong,
It is not your fault you lead me on.

Do not blame yourself for getting so mad,
You are not to blame for my being sad.

Do not apologize for things said and done,
You are not the reason I am holding this gun.

Do not take back the words you said,
You are not the one who put the bullet in my head.

Do not wish you had made things right,
You are not the one who died tonight.

Do not regret the time never spent,
You did not know how much it meant " - Brisa

" See my heart - Search my soul,
Let me prove - You make me whole.
Listen closely - Hear my cries,
Look inside - See past my eyes.

You're here with me - So be prepared
To hold me closely - I'm broke and scared.
Be my shelter - Be my guide,
Be the shadow - By my side.

Please just tell me - You understand,
You hold my heart - When you hold my hand.
I want you to show me - I want to see through,
I want to see - Inside of you.

I need your arms - To hold me tight,
Through endless days - And wreckless nights.
Inside of me - My heart is gone,
For the palm of your hand - Is its new home.

You cleared the skies - You cleared the rain,
You dried the tears - And eased the pain.
Take my heart - Take it all,
Let the limits - Catch my fall.

God put us together - He made you mine,
He made our hearts - To inner twine.
The world turned down - What my heart has said,
And played with thoughts - Inside my head.

But I know this is love - Like I never knew,
I could lose the world - If I have you.


Dedicated to the Love of my life" - Brisa

"Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost" - unknown as of yet man (lol)


"You're The Branch Keeping Me Alive Stopping from Falling to Chaos of Death" - Patsu's site

"REFELCTION
I looked in the mirror,
only to find hatred and curiosity,
looking into a piece of glass,
what leads to the other side?
Do you see me the way i see me?
I start to cry and wonder,
why i look into this object,
and why my eyes look so cold,
do i have a heart?
are we standing still...or moving really fast?
why things cannot be proven,
tears drip down my face,
into the sink and down the drain,
i wonder why it leaves my face,
and to what do i owe the people who care,
why do you stare?
i start to think,
we are so disgusting,
what happens in this world,
leaves our minds so fast,
that we never think it would be us,
i glace once more at this thing on my wall,
for i can see more than my image,
all my thoughts,
and i notice that i have always believed,
but never seen." - 53secondslater

"lily has a rose
(i have none)
"don't cry dear violet
you may take mine"

"o how how how
could i ever wear it now
when the boy who gave it to
you is the tallest of the boys"

"he'll give me another
if i let him kiss me twice
but my lover has a brother
who is good and kind to all"

"o no no no
let the roses come and go
for kindness and goodness do
not make a fellow tall"

lily has a rose
no rose i've
and losing's less than winning(but
love is more than love)" -Ok I found this from some design place, i have no idea what this means really, but it's cute. ^^


-Ok this next one I can't remember what blog I found it on for sure, but the author is mentioned in it any way. lol I'll figure it out...-

"It's about time
by Lilix


I hate you, I love you
I just can't remember to forget you
Who are you, who needs you?
You make me feel alive, I die, so high
I'm crawling on the ground
I have found I can fly

One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What's it all about?


It's about life, it's about fun
It's over before it has begun
It's about you, it's about me
It's about everything between and I say
I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It's about time that I
Make up my mind


It's simple, confusing
The truth is I'm winning but I'm losing
And pulling and pushing
Won't do me any good
It could, it should
I'm honest to myself that the truth is I lied

Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me
Fading the words so desperately
Now give me a reason that I can believe in
Time is something you can't rewind
One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What's it all about?" - Scarlet


"Remembering You and I...
The words I never got a chance to say...


YOU & I BOTH

words & music by jason mraz

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh, things are gonna happen naturally
Oh, And taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
Oh, But it often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh, Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of bout' the love
Oh, the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages, forewords
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now

Oh, love love, you and I, you and I,
Not so little you and I anymore, Umm
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well that I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of
Finally-dee-deedle le dee dee
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Well I am free, Oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephone well their workin it both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well that I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of, Finally-dee-deedle le dee dee
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Out of words" - Scarlet's site


'So Hold Me When I'm Here, Right Me When I'm Wrong, Hold Me When I'm Scared, And Love Me When I'm Gone...' -Angel Tears's site


"love song for no one

Staying home alone on a Friday,
flat on the floor
looking back on old love
...or lack thereof.
After all the crushes are faded,
and all my wishful thinking was wrong,
I'm jaded,
I hate it.

I'm tired of being alone,
so hurry up and get here.
So tired of being alone,
so hurry up and get here.

Searching all my days just to find you,
I'm not sure who I'm looking for.
I'll know it when I see you.
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
staying up all night
just to write
a love song for no one.

I'm tired of being alone,
so hurry up and get here.
So tired of being alone,
so hurry up and get here.

I could have met you in a sandbox,
I could have passed you on the sidewalk.
Could I have missed my chance
and watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone,
so hurry up and get here.
So tired of being alone,
so hurry up and get here.

You'll be so good,
you'll be so good for me.

john.mayer"- got from rachrox's site


"Im so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave becauseyour presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone these wounds wont seem to heal this pain is just to real there's just to much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd fight away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've heald your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me you used to captivate me by your resonating light but now i'm bound by the life you left behind your face haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice is chased away all of sanity in me these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just to real there's just to much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but still have all of me i've tried so hard tp tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me i've been alone all along" - Brisa

"Moonlight's shadow - Poem
I wish i could talk to you after this long night... but obviously your not here, so this will have to do. God, only if you knew...

Moonlight's shadow

I can feel your breath,
whisper on my skin.
And your eyes twinkle,
as you start to grin.

Your fingers caress,
my knee to my thigh.
And my senses swirl,
as i let out a sigh.

You drive me crazy,
while you hold me tight.
And we lay together,
beneath the moonlight.

As i reach for a kiss,
you slowly disappear.
Then i sit up in bed,
and realize... your not here..." - Guppy

"I can't carry it for you but I can carry you..." - The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King

"Allergic Firefly

Everything is spinning faster and faster,
I wish that I could just find an answer.
What’s wrong with me, why isn’t it easy?
I’m allergic to love, so take me sneezy.

I’ll mess it up and leave you broken,
so leave with this poem as a token.
A token of love, or a token to refuse.
I don’t care go ahead and choose.

I only get hugs from me, myself, and I,
so save yourself and say goodbye.
You’ll get hurt I can guarantee,
so run as far as you can from me.

Why are you still here, standing tall?
Don’t you understand at all?
It’ll start good, but end in heartbreak,
so please leave now for your own sake.

I’ll leave with all of your grace,
even take the smile from your face.
The smile I gave is the one I’ll steal,
why you bother is totally unreal.

What do I have to say to get it through?
When I’m done it’ll be only you.
I’m telling you for your own good,
I only wish you understood.

I don’t want to hurt you, really I don’t,
that’s why I say go, but you won’t.
You won’t budge but instead stand,
Smiling at me with an open hand.

Secretly I actually want you to stay,
every moment with you I want to replay.
Over and over, re-living our fun,
Before I eventually turn it to poison.

But it always happens, no matter how I try.
my heart soars into the night like a firefly.
Burning away in darkness with nothing around,
just the stars in the sky and cold hard ground.

Flying blindly bumping into the air,
flying aimlessly without even a care.
My words drift into the gentle breeze,
and soon the firefly burns out, with a sneeze." - Guppy


"Tonite
Tonite, I think of you,
You so far away from me,
Of our shared words,
Our shared pleasure,
Your eyes on my screen
Which seem to defy me,
Of your girl laughter
My ears pick on their way,
Of your sweet voice
I miss so often.

Tonite, I think of us,
Of our crazy rendez-vous,
All tinted with impatience
But printed with silence
When our hearts tasted
Their secret happiness,
Of these short talks
Where we link to each other,
Of our shy laughters,
Of this innate Love." - Cyril


"Love Hurts, If it doesn't, It's not Love..." -unknown

"Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. -- Yoda"





moon phases
 





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